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I want to believe that there is a universe inside me,
that every star within holds infinite possibilities,
but for some time now, everything just seems to fade,
like a flicker of light,
then gone.
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You used to start school works at midnight, now you’re bored out of your wits at 10PM, without anything to do. You force yourself to sleep but your mind is too noisy.
You wake up the next day not really looking forward to anything. You mindlessly watch the shows on tv, you alternately switch between the Home then Profile then Home page on Facebook without really looking for anything. You see your friends’ status updates and photos, you read their blogs. You watch them as they buy neat stuff because they already have a paycheck.
While you remain stuck on the rut of bum.
You remember being so busy, you remember talking to several people everyday and just passing out when you hit your bed. Sometimes, you don’t even sleep at all. You remember thinking and actually working for something.
And now, all this inactivity just kills you.
The four corners of your room now feels like a pretty dungeon. You can’t get out of it, nothing is out there but a vast empty void. No one wants you. So you just sit in front of your computer every night, wasting your time until self-pity and self-loathing consumes you.
Then you ask the question “What is wrong with me?”
Stuck on the rut of bum.
Your friends tell you it’s just a phase, it shall pass. Everyone encourages you and shares some advices. You say, yes, thank you. You nod your head and smile, or even laugh everything off.
Then you sulk again when you’re on your own.
You feel the world moving so fast but you can’t move. You remembering riding these gales of wind like a pro. But now, your wings are clipped and the only thing you can do is to write it all out.
Your supply of optimism is running out.
But believe that you’ll survive.
And that soon, you’ll fly again.
P.S.
I've only been living the bum's life for like three weeks now. But it's already getting on my nerves.
