Reunion and visiting home (the one within).

Je m'ennuie d'être génial.

Remember those days that your only concern was yourself? Whether you'll make it through the day or not. Where you will gather the strength to face life's daily surprises. That all you have to take care of is yourself, that your priority is you and you alone. Whether you want to spare some time and affection for other people solely depends on what you feel like doing at that very moment.

It was a self-centered life, but it was not that bad. Although it was lonely.

Remember those days that your happiness did not depend on anyone. That period in your life that you can even leave your phone untouched for hours because you are not expecting any text message. That when your phone rings, you are more annoyed than grateful, because who could this creature be that is disturbing your own little world. Yes, that's it.

You were in your private little world, on your own. And it was comfortable. Safe.

You can control things, you can manage your emotions. Everything is at bay.

Then you let someone in your little world and you reach out to be part of this someone's world as well. Suddenly, you are no longer in control. Your emotions gallop like wild horses, your heart beats so fast you wonder if it's normal. You start to trust, you start to get really scared, but you choose to move forward. Then you become attached. Like you have tangled yourself in the world of that person, in a way that you just want to be with this person in almost every minute. Your choices, your decisions, and preferences start to change. They all become associated with that person. It just happens, nobody is asking you to change, but you on your own, like a clay on a mold, your shape changes, your taste is altered, and you become a whole new person--in reference to this person.

And there is nothing wrong with that. You become a person filled with new experiences, new wisdom, new thoughts, and all. You have moved into a higher state, you came to know more about yourself through this person, and you finally feel that you matter, that you are loved and cared for. 

Yet.

There are times that you miss your self. Just you and your good old self. There are times that your new self would want to be with your old self. Just the two of them, united, being one, again. Even just for a few moments.

And you stop checking your cellphone, you stop waiting for this person to communicate to you. For a moment, you are back in your own little world. Just you. 

Then you go back to this person, to world the two of you created. That place where both of your world merges. You go back there, feeling better, with more sense of self-worth that you kind of lost in the process. 

You were pretty much fine when you were alone. But you are a hell lot better when you are with this person. 

(although there are also times wherein you feel alone even if you are with someone. that happens. but it passes.)