Deactivating Misery.

I've decided to totally get Facebook and Twitter out of my life, for now. Well honestly, I still have another one but it's only for people that my only means of communicating is through Facebook, yep, online friends. Other than those, I choose to communicate with the people in my life through my mobile phone or better yet, meet them in person.

I'm tired of logging in those social networking sites, wasting hours in it, boring myself to death, only to feel bad after a few hours. It could be something that a friend have posted or commented, it could be the reaction to what I posted, it could be some shit that I'll see (or will not see, read: purposely hidden), or have a conversation with some people, and then be totally annoyed, pissed off, or hurt after. Another are the countless subtle messages that I feel, are aimed at me. I might be paranoid, but really now, why so affected after I deleted my accounts? Fuck that. 

Real friends are those who's gonna stay and talk to you still, despite the lack of social networking sites. Oh sure, they might have to exert a little bit more of effort. But well, it's up to them. Not my loss.

So there, there. Goodbye, Facebook. Goodbye, Twitter. Sure, I might be missing on a lot of stuff as others would see it (meh, not really). And there are things I will no longer know because these sites have been my "tool" during my researches (a.k.a. stalking)...lol. But I've decided to tone down my "control freak" side as well as my "need to know everything." It's not really helping.

To be honest, I don't know where I am, in terms of knowing about shit. I stand between trust and apathy, I think. Trust in the sense that, I trust these people to not do shit that would ruin my relationship with them, even if I am no longer present in those sites. Or maybe apathy, like "Fuck yeah. Do whatever. Don't care." Meh, that's kinda harsh. I don't think I'm in that point already. So this is leaning more in trust.

I've decided to finally close my eyes and let the other person hold my hand. In the process, I know that I might be left alone any time, but for now, I put my trust on people that matters to me. To that person who, months ago, said he wanted to take care of me. I would never want to be a burden to others, but obsessively looking after myself while I look after other people, could get really tiring. I will not let go of myself completely, I think it is the other way, actually. By not focusing my life in self-preservation, maybe I would be a happier person. Sure, I'll get hurt along the way, get fooled, betrayed, and disappointed, but that's just how life rolls, isn't it? I'm sick of the doubts and suspicions. Of things hidden behind the internet. This time, I choose to trust.

I remember writing this maybe some time last year, I'll write it again now:

I'd rather be happy and miserable, than just be miserable.

You are miserable because you make yourself miserable. Happiness is a choice.

-Ferdie Lopez, 2007

And I choose to be happy. :)