That Heavy Feeling & What I Wake Up For.

Sometimes it gets heavy. A feeling in your chest so heavy that you need to consciously lift yourself up.

It happens when you see your friends having fun without you. It happens when something you said is misunderstood by somebody. It happens when you have to drag yourself every morning from the bed. It happens when you force yourself to sleep just so it would hurt less. It happens when you look around at the office and see people happy and content with the things they are doing...and for you, it's just a plain monotonous routine.

It's not what you want to do. It's what you have to do. 

Could it be that it's all in the perspective? But idk... On times like this that I am once again complaining or ranting, I am reminded of kuya philo. 

"i am enjoying this moment, this conversation, this, right now."

He would always say that it's not about what's on the other side of the fence. How are you sure that happiness and contentment are there? It's not. So make the most of what you have, right now, right at this very moment--because this is the only certain thing that you have.

And I look around me, office computer at the front; cup noodles, crackers, and a glass of water on the left; and a tissue roll, rubbing alcohol, and hand cream on the right. I look beyond the computer monitor and see photos--of a girl looking up into the stars, of the underwater wonders from my Palawan trip last year, of papers that say "count the blessings, not the bullshit" and "ne me donnez pas jusqu'à," of my nephew holding his younger cousin by the hand and leading her into the roads of Paris, and of the guy and I. (it's actually a group photo, but forget all the other people there, lol)

So that's what I have, right at this very moment. Food, comfort, memories. People in my life that I care about and love. --random thought, I should really put a photo of Team Petix (my college friends) in there! And maybe a family photo, the one with my pets, of course!

See, these are the things that's worth pulling yourself together for. The things that no matter how bruised and tired you are, no matter how much you keep on trying and trying and then failing, you refuse to give up. Maybe, these are the reasons why I wake up every morning, despite the fact that my whole being would still love to stay in bed for maybe six more hours, lol.